Two years after my son’s conviction, I continued to struggle with living day-to-day life much less enjoying it. The enemy planted thoughts in my mind that filled me with despair. At that time, instead of taking thoughts captive that did not line up with the Word of God, I entertained those depressive thoughts and my life was filled with fear.

But one evening, we decided to go ice skating as a family. I don’t remember whose bright idea this was, but it was important to me that we spend time together so off I went with my teen-aged son and my husband.

We arrived at the ice rink, stood in line, got our tickets, and finally got our skates. Now the moment was upon me to step out onto the rink.

Fear froze me.

At the entrance I grabbed hold of the wall with my feet planted on the carpet. People passed me by. They were coming off the rink and others were moving onto the rink. They did not let me hinder their coming and going.

My son was one of those that passed me by. I watched him glide on the ice as if he’d been ice skating his whole life. As an athlete, he took to just about any activity with such ease. I chalked it up to his young age and his athletic abilities.

My husband patiently waited for me to have courage to step onto the ice. He got in front of me and gently wooed me out. I clung to the wall with both hands while I felt the blades touch the ice. The blades slid a bit as they’re designed to do, but I quickly pointed my toes toward the wall. With both hands on the wall, my toes went in the direction of my hands and hit the wall. This stopped my progress of moving forward on the ice.

I turned to look around me. People were enjoying life. Laughing. Smiling. Spinning to the music. Chasing each other. Playing games.

I longed to enjoy what they enjoyed, but there I was paralyzed by fear.

I don’t know how many times my son had already circled the rink, but there he was again. Doing his best to encourage me, he said, “What the worst thing that can happen to you Mom? You’ll fall. Watch, it’s not bad.”

Off he skated toward the center of the rink. He made himself fall, rolled on the ice, and jumped back up like a stuntman. I laughed and dismissed his attempt to encourage me rationalizing that he is 16 and athletic. I’m wearing a 40-something body and there is nothing athletic about me.

Needing a moment to myself, I encouraged my husband to go skate with our son. He conceded and left me. Up against the wall, it was time to decide.

Should I give in to fear or do it afraid?

I looked to my right at the exit. Just a few feet away, I could step onto the carpet and clumsily walk to the safety of my seat and watch life pass me by with a warm cup of hot chocolate.

I looked to my left and saw no one else along the wall. I thought, Jesus came to give me life, an abundant life. I choose life.

I turned my feet toward the left. I let go of the wall with my left hand, but held on with my right.  I began to push first the right leg, then the left as I moved my hand along the edge of the wall. So far so good. I continued without thinking, just moving. Desiring to move at the tempo of the music.

Then I heard my husband’s voice, “There ya go. Keep going.”

I looked up and saw his back as he passed me. After making it all the way around the rink next the wall, I found myself back at the exit. I had not figured out how I’d skate across that opening. But then my husband appeared. He held out his hand and said, “Now try it holding my hand.”

Feeling a little more confident now than when I first stepped on the ice, I grabbed his hand. At first he pulled me along and away from the wall. After a few moments, my body began to loosen up, relax a little more, and I began to glide more smoothly on the ice. I even felt myself smile.

Looking at the photo, it appears we’re just out having a good time. But when I see that photo, I’m reminded of what I overcome that evening on the ice. (Note: my son took the picture with his cell phone skating backwards and it is blurry.)

You see, the (blurry) photo is a treasure to me as I took a step of faith to overcome fear. The fears that imprisoned me.  Fear of the unknown. Fear of enjoying life.

Fear paralyzes us and places us in captivity. Because of fear, I almost lost the joy of spending an evening out with the family.

But thank God! I did not cave in to fear that evening. I went out and did it afraid. I finally began to ice skate with my husband and I skated some independently (though much slower than many others).

That evening I mustered up enough courage to step out, even while feeling afraid. I trusted my husband to hold my hand. It reminds me of how God promises He will hold my hand.

“fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10 ESV).

Today the Lord holds out His hand for you. When you let go of fear and take His hand, He will strengthen you and help you. Even while feeling afraid, will you reach out and take God’s hand today?