After my son’s arrest, we met with a criminal attorney who reviewed the case. He assured us that this was all a big misunderstanding and he would be able to get our son out of this situation.
The attorney share information about the case with us—the police reports, the background information of all parties involved, etc. And even the sheriff had remarked to my husband that it was not as bad for our son as it had seemed.
Stephen cooperated with the detectives and that appeared to be favorable for his case.
I sure hoped so. And we hoped in our attorney’s ability as a criminal defense lawyer.
However, the hope I erected in the attorney started waning. We’d call to get updates and information, yet we were told that they could not talk to us each time we called. We were left feeling like we were bothering them. Then we were told that we needed to trust that he and his staff were working on the case.
Then the DA offered a deal — 50 years for a plea bargain.
Stephen declined the DA’s offer and opted for a trial by jury. Frankly, I felt strongly not all the evidence was being considered by the DA. The crime was horrific and DA was going for broke on behalf of the victims’ families. I can’t blame the DA for her desire to seek justice for the families. However, in my mind I felt she was being partial and not impartial, and not looking at all the facts. Still I had hopes that all the facts would be presented to the jury during the trial.
All the days leading up to the trial, I prayed in faith based on the promise that I felt the Lord gave me that my son would be released from captivity. I prayed and believed that the Lord would use the criminal attorney to present the evidence in court—all of the information—for the jury to consider.
However, the months leading up the trial, I learned the DA filed papers to the court to keep various information out of the trial. This was another round of disappointment rearing up in my life.
Then came the trial. Evidence was presented to the jury. Facts were shown. And though I could not be in the court room as our attorney wanted to use me as a character witness later, I heard about what was being presented from those sitting in the court proceedings and via the news media. I was shocked.
The person they presented to the jury was not the son I knew. Ultimately, the jury had to make decisions based on what they were shown in the courtroom–only a snippet of my son’s life. Our attorney seemed to be the weaker party in the court room. The DA was a very strong presence and empathically presented her case against Stephen.
The jury decided Stephen was guilty. When I heard the guilty verdict come out of the mouth of the jury foreman, my hope took a nose dive.
The jury also decided Stephen’s sentence and sentenced him to 20 years in prison.
My hope crashed.
In the days that followed, the oppression of depression overtook me. The doctor called it “situational adjustment disorder.”
Honestly, I did not want to adjust to this reality as it did not line up with my expectations. And that denial caused a great deal of inner conflict within me that led to the depression.
Later I learned the reason for it. I placed my hope in what man would do and I failed to place my hope in God.
Misplaced hope leads to inner turmoil.
You see my friend, the only true source of hope is God. When we take our misplaced hope and put it in the God, the source of hope, He fills us with joy and peace in spite of our circumstances.
“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13 NLT
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You can go from shattered hope to renewed hope!
In Appeal to the Courtroom of Heaven: Petitions for Prisoners and Prison Families I share my unexpected prison family journey testimony. I also point out how the Lord redeemed the worst-of-the-worst offenders found in the pages of the Bible and explain an effective prayer strategy I learned from this experience.
I pray my transparency and vulnerability points to the source of HOPE for those who lost hope in the midst of despair.
Click here to learn how to order this book.
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