After my son was arrested, I shared our situation with a trusted colleague. She told me over and over, “Shonda, remember to be kind to yourself.”

Each time she said that, I said, “Okay.”

But I didn’t know what to do to be kind to myself. I am a wife and a mother. I’m busy taking care of my husband and son. I’m busy volunteering at the sports field, working in the concession stand, running errands, etc.

After some years, a lot of years. I think I finally understand what “be kind to yourself” means.

Jesus said, “And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment.  And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these” (Mark 12:30-31 NKJV).

Do you see it? Tucked away in the “There is no other commandment greater than these” is the phrase, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

Let’s read it from another translation:

“You must love your neighbor in the same way you love yourself” (TPT).

Do you know how to love yourself? I confess I did not.

I’ve been a work in progress since time. Looking back, I can see that I was quick to serve the needs of others but ignored taking care of myself. Then as I gave my all to take care of others, I would reach a breaking point where I had an emotional meltdown because I felt like others were not doing for me what I did for them.

But then God stepped in and began the wounded soul healing. God’s word says that “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3).

Unbeknownst to me, I sought performance-based acceptance. This had been the only way I knew to function as it was ingrained in my since I was a child. If I brought home a 100, my dad was proud of me and hug me. I made a B, he asked why didn’t I do better.

The trauma of my son going to prison, opened the door for me to learn a different way of living.

Since then, I have been walking out of seeking acceptance based on what I do. And have been learning to be kind to myself.

The way out of the performance-based acceptance trap is and to be kind to yourself is to:

  • Know the love of God the Father
  • Know who you are in Christ
  • Speak kindly to yourself

As I line those things up, then I understand that I can be kind to myself, loving myself as I realize the Father loves me unconditionally, I’m accepted in Christ, and because of that, I stop being so critical of myself.

So today receive the Father’s love. Know you are accepted in Christ. Say nice things to yourself.

Be kind to yourself!

© Shonda Whitworth