In a place of heartbreak and confusion after my son’s trial, conviction, and sentencing, I was confused by the actuality that not all the facts and evidence were allowed to be presented in the trial for the jury to consider. Combined with the agony I felt because my son allowed himself to be placed in a situation that led to his conviction and the heartache I felt for the victims families, I ended up in a state of anguish.
Though my family and friends rallied around me, none of them had walked through having a loved one incarcerated. This was new territory for all of us. Feeling like no one understood what I felt, I sunk into depression. The doctor called it “situation adjustment disorder.”
That diagnosis seemed accurate enough for how does a parent adjust to a child going into prison?
In my misery, I said, “As long as my son’s in prison, I’m not going to live life.” I had no thoughts of taking my own life, but I merely had no desire to live a fulfilling life. I conceded to living a life filled with depression and anxiety. Unknowingly, I placed myself in my own self-imposed prison.
I merely existed from day-to-day. Then one day a precious sister in Christ asked me to meet with her. She spoke the truth to me when she said, “You look like the walking dead. You need to snap out of this and live the life God called you to live.”
Eventually the words stirred me to seek answers to start living life again. I made an appointment with a Christian counselor. I left the counselor’s office with one new thing to do—to walk for at least a half-hour three to four times each week.
So I started walking and moving outside the confines of my self-imposed prison. As I began to feel better, that eventually led to my willingness to do more outside the home.
However, four years after I spoke those words about not wanting to live life, I still felt some hindrance keeping me from moving forward. Though I wasn’t where I used to be, I still was not where I desired to be.
While meeting with a godly mentor, the Holy Spirit revealed how the words I spoke over myself after my son’s conviction brought death to my life. This was not an immediate death, but a slow process of life seeping out of the soul.
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits” (Proverbs 18:21 ESV).
To resuscitate my life and break the bondage of death, I had to repent for the words I spoke.
Once I came to this place of repentance, I realized God is in control of my son’s life and God is working in my son to turn things around for him.
I acknowledged that I am accountable to live the life God has planned for me.
After repentance, I continued the resuscitation process by turning scriptures into declarations. God’s word is life.
For example, I say:
“The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but Jesus came that I may have life and have it more abundantly.” (Based on John 10:10.)
“I am like a tree planted by streams of living water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither, but in all I do, I prosper.” (Based on Psalm 1:3.)
Today I feel I’m on the path of life the Lord has called me to lead. The depression has fallen away and I’m experiencing God’s joy and peace in my life in spite of my son’s imprisonment.
Negative words spoken will bring death into your life. Choose today to repent for the negative words spoken in your life. Then realize that you have the power to resuscitate your life with the Word of God.
God’s word resuscitates your life!
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