In Part 1, I shared how there will be times we need to speak up on behalf of our loved one in the penal system.
We must learn to find that right balance of when to make those calls and when to not. We do want the prison staff to know that we watch out for our family member’s needs. Yet, we do not want to exasperate the staff with too many requests or demands as then they may not be as willing to work with us.
In a previous post, I covered how we should pray first (click here to read part I). After we have peace about the situation, then we make the calls. Here are two more ways I found beneficial when we need to step in and help our loved ones in the system.
Speak kind words
When the prison personnel answer the phone, remember to speak kind words. That’s not always easy as the person on the other end may not say what we want to hear. The person who called before you may not have been kind, therefore, they now have their guard up.
“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).
The person on the other end of the line may speak harshly, but I’ve learned to take a deep breath, throw up a quick silent prayer, and speak kindly.
“Yes, ma’am I see your position. Is there someone else I may ask?”
“Yes, sir typically that’s true. However, what are our options in this situation?”
Being inquisitive helps matters as then the potential solutions are their ideas, not ours.
Learn their language
The prison system has phrases and acronyms that are not commonly known to outsiders. We must learn to speak their language to communicate effectively.
One way I found to learn those phrases and acronyms is to ask questions about situations, and jot down the new phrases I hear when I receive the response. Also, talking with our incarcerated loved one regularly helps us to learn the new lingo.
Once I received permission to visit my son with a temporary license as we had recently moved. The person on the phone authorized it and made note in the system. She asked me, “A regular visit, right?”
In my mind, every time I visited I had a contact visit so to me that was regular. However, when I arrived at the prison unit, processed through screening, then entered the visitation room, they sat me in front of the glass. My heart sank.
When I inquired about it, the guard said, “Your son must have caught a case. It happens all the time.”
When Stephen came out, he asked what was going on. I told him what the guard said, but Stephen told me he had not caught a case.
So, I informed the guard of what my son said and he rolled his eyes at me then said, “They all say that.”
I inhaled deeply through my nose while biting my tongue, and silently prayed, “Lord speak for me.”
Then I said, “Yes, sir I see your point. But will you check with the Captain to verify that?”
The guard complied with my request and came back and offered us a table for a contact visit.
Later, I saw the paperwork on the counter that I carried from the screening area to the visitation area and noticed it said “REGULAR” at the top of the page. I inquired about it and learned that a “Regular” visit means through the glass. I realized the error was miscommunication as I did not understand the lingo.
Whenever we find ourselves having to advocate for our incarcerated family member, we must pray first. Then speak kind words and learn their language to minimize miscommunication.
In Part 3, I’ll wrap up this series with two more ways to ways to advocate for our loved ones according to biblical principles.
Click here to read “Advocating for Your Loved One – Part 3.”
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